Just what the doctor ordered! – The Los Angeles Dodgers

I LOVE the Los Angeles Dodgers!  Why the change of heart?  There really hasn’t been one.  It’s the simple fact that the San Diego Padres OWN the LA Dodgers.  San Diego has won 11 of 14 games against the “boys in blue” (they’re blue ’cause they’re singin’ the blues!) this season!

Tonight’s game completed the San Diego Padres’ THIRD sweep of the LA Dodgers this season (a 2-game series in early May, a 3-game series in July, and the 3-game series that ended tonight)!  The Swingin’/Sweepin’ Friars are now only one game behind the Dodgers in the National League West (or “NL Worst” as some of ya’ll affectionately call the division).  They have “Big Mo”, that is momentum, on their side and things are lookin’ good for now!

I wish I could say the same about Mark Prior and the Chicago Cubs.   He’s on the disabled list again with tendonitis in his right shoulder.

I’m still rooting for the California/Anaheim Angels to do well in the American League.  The Oakland Athletics are looking mighty tough to beat though.

On a different note, my buddy Sam posted the following on the Xanga entry he made yesterday.  He got it off a forum on the internet (I’m guessing NASIOC.com – North American Subaru Impreza Owners Club).

I am only posting this because I think it’s very funny.  I will not go out on a (long) limb and say that I would “classify” myself as this type of person.  I will say that I agree with a good number of the things listed.

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell “ENOUGH!”  I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the Culture Wars – the Retrosexual movement.”

The Code:

1. A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

2. A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

3. A Retrosexual DEALS WITH IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

4. A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

5. A Retrosexual doesn’t worry about living to be 90. It’s not how long you live, but how well. If you’re 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

6. A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods).

7. A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he’s 30 years old.

8. A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the “DEALING WITH IT” portion of The Code.

9. A Retrosexual watches no TV show with “Queer” in the title.

10. A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

11. A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain’t worth it.

12. A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird/dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn’t pay enough attention to you. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

13. A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

14. A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie-and ONLY a Windsor knot.

15. A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

16. A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can’t hammer a nail or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can-or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.

17. A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled with fear-guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus, it’s just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little “wakin’ up”.

18. Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Chevy truck.

19. When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted “you punks” look on his face.

20. A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner.

21. A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship – i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

22. A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

23. A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

24. A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck-that would happen because of a “force of nature”, and then the retrosexual man’s options are to Cry, or to DEAL WITH IT, or do both.

25. A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women, but any elderly person or person in military dress. NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

26. A Retrosexual man doesn’t need a contract-a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceive him.

27. A Retrosexual man doesn’t immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!

About USCTrojan4JC

God Follower, husband, father, USC Trojan alumnus, Mazda employee

7 responses to “”

  1. PresidentKennytheGreat says :

    retrosexuals, i think i like that, be real men, eat meat

  2. wurpol says :

    i don’t know what an FCC is.

  3. kermee314 says :

    Unfortunately, the Windsor knot is not the standard in wearing a tie. The four-in-hand is. Actually, I don’t think I know anyone who wears a Full Windsor knot anymore. Otherwise, the retro code sounds pretty good!

  4. rice4krxst says :

    haahaa…#15 is quite true.

  5. Anonymous says :

    heh, sweet.

  6. udonoogen says :

    retro > metro. retro ftw!

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