An entry from the heart…
Tonight (Tuesday night), I think I unexpectedly found out that the woman I’ve been interested in since late January/early February has a boyfriend. I had just got done talking to someone else and thought I heard her and her friends talking about how she hadn’t seen her boyfriend in a while or something like that. The most “interesting” thing is it didn’t crush me and it almost seems like it was a good thing I found this out! I guess that may be just how God wanted to work throughout this whole ordeal! After all, when I first saw her in November, I wasn’t interested in her but thought two things right off the bat: 1) she’s probably older than me (she’s actually almost a year younger) and 2) there is no way she’s not seeing anyone (I was never able to verify this one way or the other).
We’ll see how God works from here. I still care about her and want God’s best for her and whatever will glorify Him the most in her life. She’s still cool enough to say, “Hi!” and “Bye!” to me by name. Hopefully, things aren’t awkward for her. I know they’re not for me. It also makes me respect her a lot for handling things the way she did with me back in April (that was a lot harder on me than finding the above out). If she’s the woman of God I’ve been hoping and praying she is, I’m pretty confident God will take good care of her and be in control of all that happens in her life. I probably won’t see her again until September. Until then, I’ll just keep trusting God with everything. I still would like to get to know her better, but that’s all in God’s hands, especially since I only would get to see her once a week when the Bible study starts up again and I don’t know how I would/could go about getting to know her in a more conventional and traditional way. All in all, God is GREAT (Psalm 104) and I don’t quite know why, but I’m really content with how things kind of worked out. It’s just another case of God blessing the broken road to lead me back to Him.
Earlier in the evening, I spent a little time sharing (right before I shared, I had one of those moments when I could feel my heart beating and felt compelled to share…is that one possible display of what it means when God’s Word says the love of Christ compels us? 2 Cor. 5:14) with the whole Bible Study Fellowship young adult group I attend some of the cool things God taught me throughout the year, mainly about trusting Him even when we do “knuckleheaded” things and/or when times are rough. I shared about my decision to quit my job at the end of June. I read Psalm 115:1 which always reminds me of Chris Tomlin’s “Not to Us”. I also said I was stoked that we’ll all get to dive into God’s epistle through the apostle Paul to the Romans. I recited Romans 15:13 which is one of my favorite verses because Geoff Moore (I miss Geoff!!!) and Steven Curtis Chapman used it as the basis of their song “Overflow” which was the theme song for DCLA 2000 and DCLA 2003.
Thanks to God first and Aaron and Nate Lee for bringing me to the Bible study. Although, it’s far from perfect and there are some things people may unknowingly say that I don’t agree with theologically, God has used it to work in my life and the lives of countless others. And for that, I give Him all glory, honor, and praise!
From Casting Crowns’ web site (http://www.castingcrowns.com):
Written by Mark Hall, Performed by Casting Crowns
God does not need us. He wants us. To fear is to take our eyes off Jesus.
1 Corinthians 1:24-28 / 2 Corinthians 12:9
2 Corinthians 4:20 / 2 Timothy 1:7
2005 Club Zoo Music (BMI) / SWECS Music (BMI) (adm. by EMI CMG Publishing)
If you ask me to leap
Out of my boat on the crashing waves
If you ask me to go
Preach to a lost world that Jesus saves
I’ll go, but I cannot go alone
Cause I know I’m nothing on my own
But the power of Christ in me makes me strong
Makes me strong
Cause when I’m weak – You make me strong
When I’m blind – You shine your light on me
Cause I’ll never get by
living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don’t need me
How amazing to find that You want me
So I’ll stand on Your truth, and I’ll fight with Your strength
Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me
If You ask me to run
And carry Your light
Into foreign land
If You ask me to fight
Deliver Your people from Satan’s hand
To reach out with Your hands
To learn through Your eyes
To love with the love of a Savior
To feel with Your heart
And to think with Your mind
I’d give my last breath for Your glory
Fight on to victory!
Fight on for ol’ JC!
Victory signs up!